Effecting change is not always a matter of willpower or motivation, but rather a product of safety and environment.
How do we begin? If we're asking the question, you've already started the process. Whether you're looking to improve your relationships, invite in a healthy habit, take on a new project, or just get out of bed before the day is half gone, the weight of expectations can make us feel like we've failed before we've begun.
You are already enough! Honor your own experience.
The 'just do it' culture, the facebook posts of the best of times, and false equivalency, 'if they can do it, why can't you,' have become the cultural norm we struggle against. These messages steal our energy, our joy, and furthermore send us in the wrong direction.
Everyone struggles, every intimate relationship has challenges, and no amount of willpower will lead to success if you're going it alone.
As a plant needs soil & light, we need love & safety to grow.
We grow through getting our needs met in relationship. We grow with love, understanding, and patience. If a seed isn't yet sprouting above the dirt that doesn't mean that nothing is going on below. Those you love, and—yes—you too are in the process of change even as you battle with that stuck feeling.
One of my favorite studies is called the End of History Illusion. It outlines how people of every age underestimate how much they will change. With insight, with mindfulness, with healthy relationships, and with some faith in change, we can dream big. This is what I work to cultivate in the therapy process.
As I start up this blog, and continue my development as a counselor, I do not know what direction it may take me in, but I look forward to the journey. Join me, as a client or through adding yourself to my mailing list, and we can craft this growth together.